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Your Emotional Thermostat: How to Control (or Recover) From Emotional Surges© by Dr. Pat Baxter

Chief Consultant, SmarterEmotions: Balancing Head & Heart©

 Emotional Intelligence Coach, Professional Speaker, Corporate ‘Veteran’

Did you know people like you, me, your best friend, the dentist’s receptionist, the person who drove way too close behind you today, can experience between 45,000 and 70,000 emotions in a 24- hour time span all of which could be acted upon?

I’ve come to see emotions as gifts, not nuisances. Emotions help us to understand ourselves, connect with others and help interpret our daily experiences. Women are especially attuned to emotions, their own, as well as those of others. Sometimes, emotions are the only data we get to navigate through the world.

One thing that can stunt our work with emotions is a limited emotional vocabulary. The words we use may not accurately express what we are truly feeling. For example, if you say you are ‘angry’, think how wide that emotional range can be - you may be anything from being mildly annoyed (sigh) to uncontrollable rage (AARGH!). ‘Angry’ can show up in many ways.

Monitoring our emotional thermostat

Though you may meditate (or medicate) on a regular basis, you may still find yourself engulfed by a surge of emotions, especially in the workplace. A recent survey identified the most common emotion experienced in the workplace is FRUSTRATION. Tell the truth: Did you just flash back to a recent experience of frustration? That’s okay – you’re only human.

How do you know your emotional thermostat is climbing?  Well, the mind-body connection is alive and well when it comes to that. If you are in tune with you, you’ll pick up on body sensations – describe them as you feel them: ‘My neck is so tense it feels like concrete’ or ‘My heart is pounding out of my chest!’ Also, observe the body language of those around you – you’ll see how your emotions may be affecting others.

Prevent or Self-Manage?

What can we do to manage emotions in the heat of the moment, so they help us and our relationships? Here are a few tips:

• ·         Frame It and Tame It - Is It Really That Bad? Our reactions, often caused by our ancient ‘fight or flight’ response, can be intense. So, to roll back on a reaction, ask: ‘Given everything else going on…’ or ‘Given what I have experienced in my life so far, is it that bad? Would it violate my core values or someone’s safety if I didn’t immediately respond?’ These questions may lessen the potential of a ‘can’t-take-it-back’ moment.
• ·         Mom was right - Engage brain before mouth:  My mother said,’ You never know what’s boiling in someone else’s pot.’ So true. Unless you read minds, you’re not likely to know for sure why someone says or does what they do. I think Mom was teaching me not to assume I know the path another has walked. When an exchange heats up, I work to shift the energy, to break the tension by being curious about where the other person has walked, allowing space for a meaningful and relevant dialogue to emerge.
• ·         Focus on what’s going right and own it:  It’s very human to focus on what’s going or gone wrong rather than what’s gone right. Recognizing and applauding what actions we, and others, have taken to make things better in an emotionally charged situation can change the outcome.

What if we do ‘lose it’? How can we recover? In my book, ‘Cool Change: Turning Emotions into Leadership Strengths’ I share several case studies of leaders who ‘lost it’ and recovered. These tips may save the day:

• §  Be genuine – if you lost control with someone, apologize sincerely; ask for forgiveness and remember to show yourself some compassion as well.
• §  Walking away: If you feel you are headed for a blow-up, physically excuse yourself. Come back when you’ve calmed down. (Say that you have a stomachache from sushi you got on sale – no one will stop you from leaving.)
• §  Schedule another time and place to talk – let the 24-48 hours go by to allow the hormones your brain spit out as conflict was building to process out. When you resume, find a different place to talk to signal a fresh start.

One last thing: SMILE! As babies, we mirrored the smile of the adult who looked happy to see us. It’s a reflex that works whenever and whatever emotion shows up. 

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Have emotions ever kept you from making a GOOD decision? Ready to use emotional intelligence to LEAD with awareness and empathy?

Contact Dr. Baxter if you’d like to set up a free ‘Strategy Session’ to learn how to create balance through emotional intelligence.

pat@patriciabaxter.com

2018 is here! We've been busy loading up the calendar with events and signing up new members. This is always a great time of year to join or renew because you receive a complimentary listing in our 2018 directory which prints in March. We've already had 40 new members join and more than 100 existing members renew this month. We also offer advertising in the directory. Contact us for pricing!

Coffee Connections continue to be our most popular monthly events. New this year, we've added morning meetings in Brandon, New Tampa, & Westchase. If you'd like to suggest a location, feel free to e-mail workingwomenoftampabay@gmail.com. 

This month, we celebrated the 2nd year anniversary of founding the Working Women Foundation. Since its inception, we've raised more than $10,000 for seed money for women start-ups and mentoring programs. Meet our new board chair and one of latest recipients later in this newsletter. If you'd like to apply for seed money, click here. If you'd like to apply for the mentoring program, click here.

This is a great month to celebrate the women in your life who empower and inspire you. Take them to lunch, drinks, a pedicure or if you can't connect in person, pick up the phone or send a hand-written card. These are your soul sisters. Treat them extra special this month. 

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THE NEWSLETTER

For Immediate Release: Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Contact: Bill Gibbons, 708.932.6123, Bill.Gibbons@Uber.com

Working Women of Tampa Bay Teams Up with Uber, Local Business Leaders to Present UberMENTOR

(Tampa, Fla.) - In partnership with Working Women of Tampa Bay, Uber is offering local professionals, entrepreneurs, students, and aspiring executives the chance to meet and learn from Tampa Bay’s female business leaders.

On Thursday, May 26th, riders can request UberMENTOR for the opportunity to ride with top female business leaders from Tampa Bay. Get career advice, pitch an idea, or just glean as much wisdom as you can.

“Working Women of Tampa Bay is proud to partner with Uber on this mentoring opportunity. As the largest women's networking organization in Tampa Bay, we see first-hand the benefits when women connect, collaborate and share their knowledge and resources with one another,” says Jessica Rivelli, Working Women Founder.

ProTip: Get the most out of your session by being prepared for your trip. Have your resume available or a clear list of goals you’d like to discuss during your ride.

Here’s how it works:

• On Thursday, May 26th, enter promo code TBMENTOR to unlock the special MENTOR option.
• Between 11am – 2pm open the Uber app and slide over to request using the MENTOR option.

• If available, you’ll be randomly matched with a mentor and picked up curbside for a FREE 15-minute mentorship session.

• At the end of the trip, you’ll be dropped off at your pickup location.

• Demand will be high and availability may be limited.

Meet the Mentors
(Subject to change)

Trimeka Benjamin | CEO, Swim Digital Group

As President of Swim Digital Group, Trimeka Benjamin rolls up her sleeves and works directly with clients to understand the current state of their situation at the start of a project to get the best results as the process unfolds. Her ability to attract perspective customers who have varied needs, from traditional marketing to process re-engineering, keeps the agency consistently abreast with industry trends. As a facilitator, a large part of her role consists of bringing groups of stakeholders together to have critical conversations and mapping out pathways to scalable solutions that are viable for client success.

Dion Lim | Anchor, 10 News CBS Tampa Bay

Dion Lim is the 5/6/11pm anchor at WTSP-10 News, the CBS affiliate in Tampa Bay. Recently named one of Broadcasting & Cable Magazine (B&C) 18 Top Leaders in TV Under 34. Known for her energy and community involvement, Dion was also voted Best TV Personality by Charlotte Magazine, and named Best Morning Anchor in Kansas City. Versatile with breaking news and live news, along with her ability to connect with her audience makes Dion much more than your typical news anchor. She is currently shopping her book titled Life During The Commercial Break, a book to empower millennials in the workplace.

Lori Rodriguez | Business Development Executive, Frazier & Deeter

Lori is Frazier & Deeter's Business Development Manager for the Tampa Bay area, responsible for advancing the firm’s strategic initiatives across the region through the firm’s Women Business Leadership program, entrepreneur programs, industry practices, CFO thought leadership and other programs designed to provide knowledge to business leaders and others in the community.

Jenn Greacen | Executive Director, Clear Labs

Jenn Greacen is a Serial Entrepreneur, Branding Expert, and community leader. She is known for arming entrepreneurs and executives with actionable items and a new, purposeful direction with her ASK WHY NOT HOW philosophy in business. Jenn is the Founder of  CoLabR8 LLC, which fosters collaboration and creative sharing in the advertising and communications industries. She supports her community by serving on the board of directors for the St. Pete College Foundation, The Grand Central District Association, and more. Under the CoLabR8 movement, Jenn is the Executive Director of CLEAR LABS, an "un-agency" concept that is a fully transparent marketing solution and consulting hybrid between the agency who holds you hostage and the freelancer you don’t have time to manage. CLEAR LABS provides totally free workspace to freelancing creative professionals in exchange for their time mentoring talented associates through the CLEAR LABS internship program.

Kathleen Shanahan | Chair, Uretek Holdings

Kathleen has been active in business and policy/politics. She has run two Tampa based construction companies; WRSCompass and Uretek Holdings and as well as served as VP Cheney and Jeb Bush Chief of Staff and on the Florida State School Board. She currently serves on the HART regional transportation board and several private company boards eg Turtle & Hughes, Bio IQ, Digital Bell as well as one public company board, TRC. She enjoys a full life with family and friends based in Tampa, Florida.

Jessica Rivelli | Founder, Working Women of Tampa Bay

Jessica Rivelli is the founder of Working Women of Florida, which includes Working Women of Tampa Bay & Working Women of Central Florida. The organization is the largest women’s networking group in the state with 850 members and 35,000 social media fans/followers. Jessica launched Working Women of Tampa Bay after leaving a successful career in Television News. She credits her 12 years of multimedia experience for her ability to create dynamic & relevant programming. Since its 2009 launch, Jessica has produced more than 1200 events for women in the Tampa Bay & Central Florida regions. Many of those events include educational workshops designed to help women entrepreneurs follow their dreams of owning their own businesses.

Yvonne Fry | Chief Fry Cook, Fryed Egg Productions

A native Floridian, Yvonne is an expert in the telecommunications and IT industry. She owns Lines of Communications, a full service telecommunications management and auditing company which serves clients in the government and private sectors. Yvonne is also CEO of Fry Entertainment Inc., which holds several companies including Fryed Egg Productions, a branding, marketing, film and event management company.  Founder and producer of NRG, Next Radical Generation, a youth performance group singing positive pop, Yvonne manages talent and produces a variety of projects including commercials, PSAs, television series and stage shows.

Yvonne was honored with the Plant City Chamber Chairman’s Award in 2014, was named one of Florida International University’s Top 25 Women Entrepreneurs in Florida in 2011, and was named one of the Girl Scouts of West Central Florida's Women of Distinction in 2016.

We'll be adding more Mentors in the coming weeks - be sure to follow @Uber_Florida on Twitter for more details.

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About Uber
Uber is evolving the way Florida moves. By seamlessly connecting riders to drivers through our apps, we make communities more accessible, opening up more possibilities for riders and more business for drivers.

We are super excited about launching a new level of membership.  Becoming a V.I.P (Visionaries in Pink) will give you access to at least 10 exclusive events free of charge (Value - $300). Events include behind-the-scenes tours, private receptions with authors/local celebrities and spa nights. VIP's will be notified first about signature events open to all members and will have front-row action to some of the best events on our calendar with no upgrade necessary. Get an all-access pass to VIP events not open to the public at no extra charge! 

It doesn’t get any better than hosting an Executive Women’s Day at a golf resort owned by a WOMAN!  Sheila Johnson welcomed us to her house & encouraged us to get involved with golf; it is NOT a man’s sport! Deborah Fiedorowicz, Senior VP of Tournament Activation with the PGA tour, encouraged us to sit back and soak up the awesomeness as she introduced our vibrant moderator, Angela Ardolino, Founder of Tampa Bay Parenting Magazine.

We were here to share a day of corporate dialogue.  The panel consisted of:

• Elizabeth Frazier, Exec Director of TB Lighting Foundation
• Dr. Catherine Lynch, Assoc VP, College of Medicine OBGYN, USF
• Karyn Talaric, Senior VP, BB&T
• Kim Welch, VP Communications, Valspar

Dr. Lynch kicked it off by sharing how physicians stay in their own space.  She encouraged the implementation of personality tests & how they are paramount for improving relationships.  We all need to understand WHO we are working with in business.

Kim Welch agreed and shared about leveraging the understanding of each other’s differences.  You need to know your negotiating parts.  She had a male mentor that led her down a successful career path.  The path might not always be straight, it can lead you in a lot of directions, but it’s all preparing us for the bigger plan.

Karyn Talarico also had trusted advisors that encouraged her to take presenting opportunities, even when you don’t understand where they will lead.

Elizabeth Frazier stepped out of her comfort zone after initially considering a career as an attorney.  She would not change the course of her experience because it helped her decipher what she did NOT want to do!

Dr. Lynch tickled the crowd when she shared that her entire family lacked creative intelligence because she grew up surrounded by physicians.  She also spoke of the importance to have good mentoring & recently spent time talking with Chief Jane Castor about this as a necessity to incorporate in your career path.  It was suggested for all of us to listen to Sheryl Sandberg’s TED talk where she drives this point home.

We all nodded our heads with approval when Elizabeth spoke of bearing your soul to connect with others.  When we speak from the heart, it touches the heart. 

All the ladies spoke of the importance of taking care of ourselves.  As women, we tend to put everyone first before our own needs.  In business, we need to stay healthy and exercise along w/ proper nutrition as it is vital to keep us sharp. 

The message was strong from each leader in business up on stage.  Stay true to yourselves; be authentic and assertive along your desired path.

The excitement to hear our keynote speaker, Carey Lohrenz, was evident in the crowd.  We all had autographed books on our table and lucky ME….she was sitting RIGHT next to me & said “your question was very good.”  Validation, sometimes that’s all we need to put a little skip in our step!

How can you even compare yourself to the first female F-14 Tomcat Fighter Pilot in the US Navy!  Her career will leave you breathless and her humor will put you right at ease.  She was simply refreshing and full of personality and vigor!  I felt honored to sit in her presence and listen to her wisdom.

She told the crowd of awe struck women to have extraordinary focus, be a catalyst!  Choose your priorities intentionally and NO is a complete sentence.  My personal favorite moment was when she showed a video of the fighter jets with the song, Best of Both Worlds, by Van Halen in the background.  It was a true TOP GUN moment!!

We learned a lot about Carey in her talk but the question that choked her up was “what is your biggest fear” and she replied, “Fear that I won’t be good enough.”  The room was silenced as we all at one time have felt the same way.  Hard to believe that even the first female fighter pilot can endure & overcome the same fears we all have!

Sharon Fekete

The Doctor Whisperer

Working Women Ambassador

Fearless Leader: Carey Lohrenz

Carey Lohrenz knows what it’s like to work under extreme pressure. As the U.S. Navy’s first female F-14 Tomcat pilot, she flew missions around the world. In the cockpit, there’s little room for error. Fearlessness is part of the job description. 

That’s a lesson Lohrenz wants more professional woman to master, and it’s the topic of her keynote speech at this year’s PGA TOUR Executive Women’s Day, which will be held Tuesday, March 10 during this year’s Valspar golf Championship at Innisbrook.

“I learned some unforgettable lessons in life and leadership,” Lohrenz says of her time in the Navy. Her experiences led her to the realization that fearlessness is the common denominator in success, whether it’s as an aviation pioneer or a high performance leader. Regardless of their workplace, women must learn to lead and excel in spite of their fear, and that being uncomfortable is not something to avoid. Too often, Lohrenz says, women play small for fear of how they’ll be perceived. “It’s a safe path not to engage.”

That lack of courage even shows itself in networking, a skill Lohrenz also believes is critical for success. 

“Women don’t always value networking as much as we should because we think our performance should speak for itself,” she notes, adding that having a strong network when life gets rough– both personally and professionally – is key. 

“You can’t get to the top alone. It’s too easy to become overwhelmed and overburdened. A network helps you prioritize the things that matter.”

Lohrenz praised the PGA Tour and Executive Women’s Day sponsor Astellas Parma US, Inc. for bringing together women in a powerful way. Women who attend the event will take away lessons on how to live well and work smart. It’s for women who have been in leadership roles for years, or others who want to learn how to overcome the barriers that may keep them from success. 

“I learn as much as everyone else. These women talk about their path and journey. It’s amazing to hear how other women succeed.”

Retired from the Navy, Lohrenz is a married mother of four who owns an executive coaching and leadership training firm. She is the author of “Fearless Leadership,” which earned a place on the Wall Street Journal’s Best Seller list for 2014. 

She’s looking forward to returning to Central Florida, where she often visited relatives as a child. “There’s no other place on Earth that has beaches like the west coast of Florida!”

More than 200 women are expected to attend PGA TOUR Executive Women’s Day, which will includes panel discussions moderated by Angela Ardolino, Founder of Tampa Bay Parenting Magazine and talks by Elizabeth Frazier, Executive Director, Lightning Foundation & Vice President, Philanthropy & Community Initiatives, Tampa Bay Lighting; Dr. Catherine Lynch, Associate Vice President, USF College of Medicine; Karyn Talarico, Senior Vice President, Private Advisors, BB&T Wealth; and Kim Welch, Vice President, Communications, Valspar.